I love it when you talk shit about me
Am I a masochist? A glutton for punishment?
Well…not exactly. I’ve just learned throughout my life that whenever I am doing anything of consequence, people will hate. I used to have a very public persona back when Myspace was a thing. Back then people said some of the most horrible things to me on a daily basis so I grew to be pretty immune to it all. Btw, I’m super addicted to Periscope at the moment (find me on Persicope @KailaYu) and EVERY SINGLE TIME I scope, someone asks me if I’m a man, used to be a man, am a lady boy. It doesn’t really phase me but it does baffle me. Like…what?!
Anyhow, I’ve mostly faded back into anonymity these days but I almost miss those days when there were entire message boards dedicated to hating me. It meant I had influence. I mean even Mother Theresa had her detractors. (Not that I am comparing myself to Mother Theresa HA!)
When I first garnered influence in the import modeling scene, dozens of Yahoo Groups immediately popped up full of strangers chatting about me and those groups were just full of vitriolic hate towards me. I’ve heard it all, that I’m crossed eyed, a dirty slut, whore, ugly, fake — it’s crazy how comfortable people are at throwing stones while sitting at home behind their computer! I spent years touring the world, hanging out at night clubs, meetings thousands and thousands of people and not once did anyone ever come up and say these things to my face. But back then, I was just 19 years old and those online comments KILLED ME. I was already a very insecure girl, a former nerd who didn’t get asked to Prom. Suddenly I was known online as a sexy pinup girl, but I never felt that way in my own skin. These comments reinforced what I felt deep inside, that I was this faker pretending to be someone that I was not.
(BTW if you don’t know what an import model read: History of the Import Model)
I never bother to read negative comments about myself any more, why bother? But back then, I read every single horrible thing that was written about me, obsessively. It didn’t matter if I got 100 compliments, just one single comment that touched on an insecurity of mine could haunt me for weeks.
In the end I’m glad it all happened. It made me a tough cookie! At first I was jaded, it’s also how I rationalized away my former, terribly addictive, and almost unshakeable gossiping addiction. Basically my rationale was, I don’t care what you say about me, so you shouldn’t care if I talk about you either. (Read More at My Confessions of a Reformed Gossip) These days I have much more of a softer take on it all, it’s almost funny when people say such things about me. I just think: oh you’re so silly!
I bring up this topic of online hate, because I had someone ask me on my Scope yesterday about how she could gain the courage to broadcast her very only Scope. She mentioned that she was scared to stream on Periscope because she was worried that people would say mean things to her. It’s a sad state of affairs when it’s just a fact that if you gain popularity on Instagram, Youtube, Periscope, or anywhere really, that people are going to say negative things to you, horrible things. Constructive criticism is one thing, unadulterated hate is another. In regards to how to respond to haters, you just gotta shake it off! I know it’s way easier said than done! . You have to also realize that the truth is, only an incredibly unhappy person would take the trouble to go online and make vicious comments about someone they don’t know. I’d hate for anyone else to have to go through what I had to go through reading those horrible things myself and believing them some of the time. But hey, maybe its a good thing to walk through it all, it made me stronger and it can make you stronger too.