You are as Sick as your Secrets

Source: F*YEAH Persian Cats!
Source: F*YEAH Persian Cats!

I used to lie all the time when I was a teenager. I pretended that I was dating a guy because I was too embarrassed to be single. I lied about getting implants while I was college even though it was extremely obvious that I returned from summer break with more than just a vacation tan. And of course I lied to my parents about everything

Why did I lie? I didn’t think I was enough, I thought I needed to be bigger, I cared too much what other people think.

Then I entered the party phase of my life, consisting of raves and late lies. So I lied about how much I was partying. I even lied to myself. I eventually grew up, matured and grew out of lying. But I still had secrets. Lots of them. There were small ones, those little white lies….. but  there were also huge ones, like that terrible thing that happened to me while I was in college

Keeping secrets wears you down, it’s exhausting and I later learned that it when you worst secret gets out, it’s maybe the best thing that ever happens to you, and really people who really do matter in your life don’t care as much as you think they do. And if they do judge you for your secret? Well hey, it’s simply a painful but very important learning experience that helps you identify who you might need to cut out of your life.  Trust me, getting rid of those kind of toxic people will help you out so much in the long run. These days I don’t have any secrets.  What this means is that there are a number of people, more than I can count with one hand, who know every single dirty secret of mine. All the way from the tiny little white lies that don’t matter to the big secret about the worst thing that ever happened to me. The Catholics really have it right with that confession thing, it really does ease your soul, you feel cleansed.

It’s thrilling to not have any more secrets. Now this doesn’t mean that I am going to post all my dirty laundry right here online – that’s neither smart, safe or kind to all parties involved. It also might just be my ripe old age, but I don’t care so much what other people think any more. I definitely don’t care what strangers online have to say about me (they always say the worst things!). I do still have to do some work on being completely unaffected by what someone thinks about what I accomplish at work. I am a bit of a workaholic (another blog entry coming about that!) and I do care if a client or someone that I work with isn’t happy with the work that I turned in.

These days I believe in rigorous honesty. And keep in mind, I am SO far from perfect, I make mistakes ALL the time so don’t think that I am being a martyr or anything. What does rigorous honesty mean? That means that if you can’t make it to your best friend’s party because you partied too much the night before, you’re honest and you tell them that. You don’t make up a lie and say you were sick or your car broke down etc. For me, that also means in work I try to underpromise and overdeliver. (Sometimes easier said than done!)

Do you have a secret that you haven’t told a single soul? Tell someone! Find a priest, a therapist, a hotline. You’ll feel so much lighter!

Speak Your Truth Even if you voice shakes