How to find your Vision

cat manager in a suit sitting in the office

I finally started listening to music again. It happened randomly while driving up the 134E on the way to get my hair done. My phone suddenly started playing According to You by Orianthi and I instantly felt a rush of endorphins and an elevated sense of mood. It was strange because I had stopped listening to music for so long…

All my life I dreamed of being a singer. I got to live out that dream for about 10 years. After I achieved some success and notoriety as an import/pin-up model, it afforded me the platform to launch a singing career. I was lucky enough to get to travel the world performing and I was able to achieve some of my childhood dreams like performing for a MTV concert and getting written up in The Rolling Stone.

Even more exciting was when I met Katt and we decided to start a rock band.  It was exciting performing as a solo singer, but performing with a band was a much deeper level of fulfillment. I loved having my own little ride or die gang of musicians. It’s funny we never had an intention to start an all girl Asian band, it happened completely organically. We actually had a couple of white dudes in the original Nylon Pink lineup.

BTW, I do feel sad that Nylon Pink has not achieved the level of fame that I still feel like it deserved. And maybe America just isn’t ready for for an Asian Musician who is also a household name: Read my article: WILL CL SUCCEED IN THE UNITED STATES.  I think she’s having a hard time making noise in the American market which disappoints me, she’s a killer performer

Anyhow a couple of years ago I fell out of passion for singing. It was a combination of factors, band dramas, the touring lifestle performing live and quite honestly my age. I had always been the youngest in life…. for example:  I had skipped a grade, started college at 17, gained success in the import industry at 19 and started running my own business at that same age. Fast forward to my 30s, I was now the oldest member of the band, and it seemed like everyone in music was getting exponentially younger and younger. Being the oldest was definitely not as fun as being the youngest one on the team

So I decided to quit music and I stopped listening to music. I’ve never regretted the decision and I definitely don’t miss performing live.

BTW READ for the full story: WHY I QUIT THE MUSIC BUSINESS

But the existential problem that I am left with at the moment is that there is a hole left where music used to be. I used to live, breath, eat my music career. It was the first thing I thought about in the morning when I woke up and the last thing I thought of before my head hit the pillow and it filled up all the hours in between. With music, I knew exactly what my vision was and where I wanted to go. But it just wasn’t meant to be.  I made it work for a long time by sheer willpower, I forced what I thought was my vision to happen

These days, I don’t know what the big goal of my life is any more but what’s interesting is that I open and excited to see what the next phase of my life holds for me. It’s a strange place to be because I think that most would describe me as a very driven and purposeful person. I’m trying something new these days, instead of aggressively trying to pursue and chase my vision, I am letting my vision come to me.

How do you find your vision? You surrender.

What’s helped me reach this place in my life is a ton of self reflection and soul searching. I’m going to share this all with you soon! I’m working on an ebook, a 30 Day guide to self love and happiness, and I can’t wait to publish it online soon!